I wanted to give an update on my feelings from my last post. I had a one on one with my manager late last week. She opened up the conversation asking me how I was doing and I answered (unenthusiastically) “Ok.” Then she asked me to share more and I came clean about feeling generally unhappy at work but not because of the work itself. I gave structured feedback on things that I’ve tried, things I have struggled with and things that either need to change or that will eventually drive me to look for work elsewhere. It’s a risk to be that honest with your manager and I stepped cautiously, positioning each thing as not a complaint but as an area of challenge where I am failing to be successful. My manager reiterated that I am an asset to the team and I think will be helping to either make things better or at the very least be aware that I’m struggling and check in with me along the way. It was the best that I could hope for from the conversation and I’m happy that I was honest.
In this and other aspects of life, I’m struck by how much everything is a challenge that requires small steps and patience. I don’t think the work situation will change overnight. And to be honest, it might not change at all and it might be the confirmation that I need to seek out employment elsewhere. But with all things in life where you come to a realization that something must change, it all starts with a moment of honesty followed by baby steps towards something better.
The same day that I had that conversation with my manager, I also dropped off a bag of old clothes to ThredUp, which is an online marketplace for used clothing. As I’ve written before, I have a ton of stuff– the product of having been loose with consumption habits in the past and feeling the need to hold onto those items out of guilt and hope (that someday I would use these things). Having moved a bunch of times since leaving for and returning from grad school, I’ve found the stuff burdensome and I’ve started on a process of slowly purging clothes and shoes and purses from my wardrobe. It’s a slow process but one that came from a realization that this stuff just needs to go. I sent in a bag in December and I was pretty happy with the experience so I just sent in another bag of clothes. This might be unique to my situation but I feel a sense of pride with each package that leaves my home– that I’m slowly but surely on the road to minimizing the amount of stuff that I have. I am already planning for a third bag, showing that it does get easier and you can be successful, starting with a commitment and small steps.
I guess that’s it from me. Just a status check that I’m working at things that are challenges in my life. But I’m trying to take small steps and work through these problems.
Happy weekend, everyone!