This has been somewhat of a trying week. I thought Monday was a holiday and spent the day at the park and also reading a book. I later realized it wasn’t and that I should have been at work– oops! Then work has been toughish. Not too bad but I also tend to think I have a high threshold for stress so even super stressful things don’t tend to shake me. We had an event on Thursday where the PPT deck wasn’t finished until 7:45 am. Then the projects after it. So a lot was accomplished this week.
I’ve also been having some recurring stomach issues. I am on antibiotics for some acne that I can’t quite shake. I am guessing that that is the cause of the stomach problems. And generally speaking, for this reason, I haven’t been very active this week– generally choosing to come home after work or work from home when I can.
But despite these things, I had a really good week. Like, I feel really calm and feel a sense of subtle satisfaction right now. Part of it I think is because I had a really good weekend last week. I got to do a long run. I had dinner with friends. Then I had Chinese New Year lunch with friends which turned into a full day of walking through San Francisco. Then Monday, admittedly I kind of played hookie. But I was able to check out the Japanese Tea Garden and read in the sun. It was really nice.
And things at work remain hectic and imperfect. But I completed work that I was proud of. I supported a teammate on his project today and he thanked me for working so hard. I tried to socialize with my teammates on Thursday. Small victories.
I went through a period in my life where I was always looking ahead to the next thing. I was trying to get a better job. I was studying for the admission test to grad school. I was prepping for grad school then looking for a job. It was always go go go, full of ups and down, happiness and sadness. Just a lot of excitement to the vibrations of life.
And then more recently, everything has settled down. And it feels strange but kind of good not to have the erratic highs and lows of before. But the challenge, I suppose now, is anchoring high and maintain a smooth, satisfying life. It’s not happiness– that’s a high. And it’s not sadness– that’s a low.
I guess I would describe it as angling for contentedness. The word creeped into my head without me knowing the exact definition of it, so I looked it up. Contentedness is “the feeling experienced when one’s wishes are met.” It’s that state where everything is ok enough. And I am realizing through all the goal setting and reaching from my 20s, I am now hitting a stride where I just need have balance between little victories and bright spots. And maybe, just maybe, this is enough to keep me happy enough in my life.
So that’s it for today’s post. Looking forward to hopefully a relaxing weekend.